So today I launch a “Behind the Music” blog series. I thought folks might be interested in hearing the stories behind the songs on my album. After all, that’s the reason I sing and the reason for my album. To share all the wonderful things He has done for me and the moving ways in which He speaks to me. I wanted to start with Here I Am, because it is kind of a funny story, but a powerful lesson on a couple of fronts.
Ever since high school, when I first started to get serious about my music, I carried around this journal. It was a lovely gift from someone, I can’t quite remember from whom, but I loved it. I wrote down all my songs in this journal and continued to do so for several years. During college and early into my career, I set my music aside, but every now and then a song would come to me that I just had to write down. So this journal became a collection of songs that covered a huge period in my life. One day, I lost it……
Now, to put this in perspective, a couple of important notes: my mom and dad had kept on me and my sister about our music and how we rarely sang, and I never typed up the songs or recorded them electronically for safe-keeping. I ignored these reminders, always thinking I would get to it shortly only to have whatever push it out of mind for a while. There were a number of occasions when I was reminded I should take care of business. Like when visiting churches and being asked to sing and often having one excuse or another, never having my journal with me or a song prepared. When being asked if I was ever going to do an album. There was always just so much going on.
Well, when I finally got around to it and felt I really should start focusing on that gift He gave me, my journal was no where to be found. I thought it was God punishing me for not listening to my mom and dad, not being yielded to prioritize things that gave Him glory, taking for granted things I shouldn’t have. I am not one of those types of people who has a photographic memory. I couldn’t remember all the lyrics for my songs. In fact, I couldn’t remember most of them, just the melodies for the most part. I was really upset, because as much as I hadn’t really devoted to my music, when I wrote those songs my heart was completely in it. I was horrified at the thought that I might have lost so many songs.
I searched everywhere for at least a couple of weeks and I mean EVERYWHERE. I simply could not find them. The only thing I could do was pray, apologize and pray. So that is what I did and shortly thereafter, that journal appeared. And when I say appeared, I mean appeared. It was sitting in plain sight on the table in the den. There is no possible way I missed it in my search. It is an area we all frequently pass by and use. To this day, I strongly believe God restored my journal because he had a purpose for me and the songs He had inspired.
Here I Am is a song of gratitude, of rejoicing and consecration. My own personal commitment to be of service to Him, letting Him know every day that I want to be used to His glory. I may stumble along the way, but He has a plan and a purpose for my life far greater than I could ever imagine. That is the story behind the song…Lord, Here I Am, use me.